It kills me.

It's tearing away at me. I'm constantly fluctuating between highs and lows. I'll be on cloud 9 one moment and at the bottom of the fucking world the next.

I hide so much just so I wouldn't have to feel that pain again. And this time, that was a part of what killed it. The fucking opposite. It's live and learn but fuck... It's so fucking disheartening. I always had the best intentions. I cared so much. Maybe thats why I relied so much on things that weren't of me. So that I wouldn't fuck it up, but I did anyway. I cared too much. It wasn't all on me but I can see now the change that took place in me. And pride is an unfortunate thing.

I always had the best intentions. I never played games. No tricks. I meant all the things I said and all the things I didn't.

Or am I just fooling myself again?